Absolute Madness
Its been a while. I’m currently depressed. Here is what got me out of bed today:
- My husband, letting me cry a bit. A lot. A flood.
- Realizing that my feral toddlers are not really cut out for cooking their own food, and hunting and gathering is frowned upon in modern society.
- A hope that Hell exists.
Oh yeah. I’m that kind of angry and depressed, because I checked to see if anything was being done to get rid of Public Charge. Public Charge is what’s making it impossible to even attempt to get my hardship (I601) started, because everything is counted against me. The number of children I have. The low income, in spite of that false promise that college loans would lead to a good paying job. The fact that any sponsor I get is unlikely to be related to me. Is Biden going to get rid of it? Oh, he’s just “reviewing” it, which sounds as sincere as HR when they say they’re going to “look into” a bully coworker.
Immigration to the United States is HELL. It is deliberately set up to make you fail, and I’m increasingly convinced that the people who do your paperwork actively hope to hear that you’ve committed suicide. PEOPLE COMMIT SUICIDE over this stuff ROUTINELY. Children, adults, they’re committing suicide. Its like the government is still angry that we ended segregation, and this is the last little bit of misery it can squeeze out of people and still pretend it cares about “laws”. Going through this process is intended to punish you, particularly if you’re bringing someone brown or Black.
Here’s a catch-22 for ya. If you go and visit your dear loved one in their country, then it must mean that you aren’t really suffering for lack of money, so therefore your hardship will be denied. If you don’t go and visit your dear loved one in their country, then it must mean that your relationship isn’t real. If you say you’re suffering from depression and anxiety, well, you’re not suffering enough. I have no doubt that if you suffer from depression and anxiety from being forcibly separated from your spouse, and you commit suicide, but manage to not actually kill yourself- then that will be held against you. If you *really* were suffering, then you’d have successfully killed yourself. And even if you somehow suffer enough to satisfy Baal, if your individual, faceless, unaccountable immigration agent is having a bad day, or just decides they don’t like that you’ve had children, or they’re feeling a bit more racist than usual because its a Tuesday, they can completely throw it all away due to “discretion”. You could get lucky and get an immigration agent that doesn’t feel like ruining the rest of your life out of a desire to be petty, but I can’t even tell you the statistics on that because there is ZERO accountability.
I’m not kidding when I say that I hope there is a Hell. A Christian should hope that everyone makes it into Heaven. I should hope that. But honestly, if I get into heaven and see the immigration agent that happily ripped families apart and then went home to their own family, I’m going to petition God to move me to Hell. I can only assume that that is where I’ll find decent people.
The rules are made up, and its Jim Crow 2.0. Its the same as hearing my racist uncles talk about how they denied a Black man a job, and then in the same breath complain that “the Blacks” don’t work. If I somehow end up making the required 90k that I would need to sponsor my husband, then my hardship will not be considered a hardship anymore. He won’t be disqualified from Public Charge, but he will be disqualified from me having a hardship. And people have literally been told to just find another spouse. Maybe immigration agents hate their own families so much, they think we do too.
The thing is, I know that there’s a Hell. I know that it exists, because I am living in it, right now. And I know that there’s a heaven, because the people who take delight in my suffering get to live good lives with good salaries. What I’m not sure about is justice and mercy. The poor and suffering give mercy to everyone, but never get justice or mercy in return. I’m beginning to think that justice and mercy are cute myths.
